By Alison Marks

How great is your need for personal space? Maybe you live alone and can’t imagine living any other way. Or perhaps you are from a culture or family that values community over the individual and you’re used to sharing almost everything.  Whatever the case, like the rest of us, you certainly have a need for (and a right to) some piece of space you can call your own.  As we head into the holiday season, with all its travel and visitors, be aware of your need for personal space, and know that you can cultivate it even in places where you don’t live. This can be a great tool for taking care of yourself.

The ultimate personal space lies within. If you don’t have a strong and supportive relationship with yourself there’s little in this world that can bring you real, meaningful comfort and joy. Your personal space as a location in the world is a reflection of this relationship, a physical manifestation of something inside you.

Elka Vera, an Inside Out Design Coaching workshop participant and hypnotherapist, says, “It’s so important to have a place where I get to move things, design, set the rules.”  When created with intention, physical environments can feed back to us parts of ourselves that feel good and support us in living life well. Most of us do this to some extent naturally.  Try to pay attention and cultivate personal space consciously, though, and you may be surprised at how much peace it brings you.

We all have individual tastes and needs.  Some like their space crammed with meaningful mementos and visual delights; others want it sparse, perhaps an empty expanse with just a candle and a place to sit.  Some of us choose to live alone and have an entire house to ourselves; others are quite content with something as small as a shelf or a drawer for their personal space.  Some need privacy – many women consider the bath their biggest refuge; others may find great peace in their own private kingdom of the kitchen sink in a busy household. 

While building an ongoing relationship with your own special location is powerful, you can use similar principles to create personal space even in environments where you don’t have ongoing control – whether a guest bedroom or a bus. An open and willing mind will help you find some small act that will give you a sense of protection and recuperation – lighting a candle, listening to soft music, taking a deep breath.  

Some things to think about:

-      What would life be like if you lived in a home where everything was a collective reflection of all the people who lived there, where everyone felt nurtured and inspired to do and be whoever it is that they really, deeply want to be? (This is what Inside Out Design Coaching is all about, by the way – providing you with tools to take the small and large steps to lead you there.) 

-       What marks “personal space” for you? 

-       If you want more personal space, what small area could you claim as your own?

-       If you want to improve the quality of your personal space, what are some steps you could take?

-       How can you create your own personal space when you’re on the road?

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Click here to see several people's answers to the question: 

How do you create personal space for yourself?

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